Tonight we went to our cousin Nicky's house for his wife, Caitlin's birthday. After cake and American Idol, we went downstairs to Nicky's studio to view some footage that he took during our wedding, mostly during the rehearsal, the dinner and in the limos. It was great to take that trip down memory lane. Although it was only 3 years ago, so much has changed. Life has changed, we have changed.
Maybe it was just the fact that it was the day before I married the man of my dreams, or maybe I am just not the same person that I used to be. As I stared at the girl who now goes by "Mrs." I noticed how happy she was. She seemed to glow and her smile lit up her face. Her laugh was even different. She was thinner and she moved gracefully.
Again, it may have been the atmosphere, but for the next 2 hours,those images played over and over in my mind. What happened to that girl? What changed? Maybe it all changed when I became a mom. I know that's the explanation for the weight difference. Maybe it was because as a parent I now have a sense of responsibility I didn't know or understand then. I was carefree, no little person to take care of. It was just me, the man I loved and our cats. Heck, I couldn't even keep plants alive! Late nights were because WE wanted a late night, we came and went as we pleased. We had little responsibility really.
But to be honest, as I sit here typing this post, I realize that I was different then because life was different. It doesn't make the person that I am today any better or any worse than my former self. It just makes me different. It means that I have grown and I have committed myself to nurturing and loving a little boy. That I have committed to making and creating a home for my family and loving my husband the best way that I know how. I have committed to being a wife and a mother and in my eyes there is no better "self" than that, except maybe a skinnier one. :O)