The first time I saw him, I couldn't even hold him. I could only reach my hand out from my hospital bed. His tiny little fingers wrapped around mine and I was in love. I became a Mom.
I didn't know then what it really meant to be a Mom. But this 3 pound 4 ounce person, would teach me so much about just what it means to be a Mom and who I am and exactly what I am capable of.
He taught me fear. Fear that he wouldn't make it, fear there would be something wrong with him. He taught me relief when he was perfectly healthy.
He taught me loss when I had to leave him at the hospital. he taught me loneliness when I was home without him. He taught me overwhelming joy when I got to bring him home and how full one tiny little person could make a home.
He taught me just how tired one person could be. He taught me just how much I was capable of on a mere 3 hours of sleep.
He taught me to see things again for the first time; the wonder of looking at the ocean for the first time, or the excitement of playing in an empty box.
Love. A love that I never knew possible. A love that can overflow your heart. A love that can strip you down and break you to your core.
Being a Mom changes your physical self too. I'm no longer the svelte beauty I once was (haha). My pre-pregnancy clothes no longer fit. My boobs sag a little more and my hips may be a little wider. I have battle scars. But within my body, I carried life. His life. My son.
And today, a Mom, I will gladly be.